


Moments To Live For

by AislinMarue



Series: Destiel - Castiel/Dean Winchester [29]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Destiel - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Solder!Castiel, mechanic!Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-19
Updated: 2013-08-19
Packaged: 2017-12-23 23:47:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/932518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AislinMarue/pseuds/AislinMarue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the story of Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak, brought together by love when war sought to tear them apart. This is their journey.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Moments To Live For

**Author's Note:**

> I dedicate this story to those who are serving or have served in our armed forces. Bless you for putting yourselves at risk for our country and its citizens and thank you from the bottom of my heart. You will always have my respect.

They met five years ago.

Dean was a mechanic, happily earning his living working out of his Uncle Bobby’s auto repair shop. It paid the bills and Dean got to do what he loved. How could he possibly complain?

He’d never realized that it wasn’t enough until the day he met Castiel.

Never had he once suspected something was missing from his life until a tall man with unruly dark hair and gorgeous blue eyes walked into Bobby’s shop with a classic Corvette in need of some serious body work.

Dean had stopped, stared through the window from the garage into the small office and waiting area inside, seeing a gorgeous man in a long sleeved black shirt and dark blue jeans. He knew then, this man would be someone important. This man would change everything.

He had no clue how he knew it. He just did. So, plucking up the courage and ignoring the Subaru he’d been working on, Dean had marched right into the interior of the office and introduced himself.

Five years later, Castiel was the light of his life and Dean couldn’t be happier.

Castiel Novak was a soldier. During the course of their relationship he’d already had one deployment in Iraq. For the year he was gone, they had exchanged just about every form of communication they possibly could from paper letters to Skype conversations when Cas was able to.

Dean had worried. Of course he’d worried. He’d sent his lover off to war and prayed to any divine being that would listen for Castiel’s safe return. And he’d treasured every phone call, every Skype chat. Every letter Castiel had sent home was safe in a wooden box beneath their bed.

Every night Dean had gone to sleep in one of Castiel’s shirts, holding his absent lover’s pillow close just as he would have the man himself were he able to.

So the first time Castiel came home from the Middle East, Dean had been there at the airport, waiting with other family members anxious to see their loved ones returned safe and sound.

When his gaze had landed finally on that head of dark, unruly hair, seeing those blue eyes he’d missed looking into so much lock onto his own and fill with tears, he hadn’t cared that he was in the middle of a very crowded airport. He’d broken down crying with sheer joy and relief, moving as fast as his legs could carry him until the man he loved was once again in his arms.

They’d held fast to each other, both unwilling to let go, their words soft murmurs in each other’s ears of how much they’d been missed, how much they were loved and how happy they were to be together again. It was beautiful and one of Dean’s most treasured memories.

Six months of peace followed. Six months of having Castiel there every day to come home to, to share dinner with, to curl up with on the couch to watch movies then fall asleep beside him every night. Dean never took one moment of those perfect six months for granted.

Then Castiel received the notice he was being deployed to Iraq once again. For another year.

Dean knew it was too soon. He knew he wasn’t ready to lose Castiel, to send him off to war again. The day the summons came had been the day they’d had their worst fight as a couple.

“It’s too fucking soon, Cas!” Dean had said, anger filling him as he glared at the official notice that was delivered to their home.

“Dean, I know, but you know I can’t ignore it. I’m not ready to go back there. I was hoping I’d never have to again. The first time was hard enough, being away from you,” Cas murmured, then slipped up behind Dean to wind his arms around his lover’s waist.

He’d wanted to cry, to rage against the U.S. Army and scream that they couldn’t take his Cas from him again. Not when he’d only just gotten him back. But he knew that wouldn’t change anything. Castiel would still have to go. Still have to be gone for another year. And Dean would be left alone all over again.

So all he’d done that night instead was to cry and fling all his rage at Cas. The one person he shouldn’t have. Now, Dean could safely say that night was his biggest regret, when he’d stormed out of their house and left Cas on the sofa with the tracks of tears still wet on his cheeks. Even years later, he still hadn’t forgiven himself for it.

When he returned home hours later after a drive in the Impala to try to calm down, the first thing he’d done was fall to his knees in front of Cas who hadn’t moved an inch from where he’d been seated on the sofa and rested his head on the other man’s lap. Then he’d manned up and apologized.

Castiel wasted no time in forgiving him. Castiel had always forgiven Dean. Always would. And they still loved each other just as much. It comforted them both greatly to know that.

So a month later, when it came time for Cas to leave with his unit, Dean had done his absolute best to be strong, knowing his lover would have it far worse than he would travelling across the world to a hostile environment while Dean was back home trying to go about his normal life. He’d held Castiel close as long as he could, hating the look of those fatigues on the other man more than he could express.

Dean had kissed his lover deeply, carded his fingers through that soft hair to try to get his fill of it while he still could, but none of it would ever be enough. A lifetime would never be enough. It was just like Castiel’s homecoming earlier in the year. Tears were shed, words of love exchanged, but instead of saying how much they had missed each other, this time it was how much they would be missed.

He’d kept his gaze on Castiel for as long as he could, watching the man he loved walk away from him with a dufflebag over his shoulder. Cas had done his best to return the favor, looking over his shoulder at Dean. He’d paused at the end of the hallway, turning to face Dean fully and the two just stared, drinking in the sight of each other for every possible second until Castiel had to leave, but not before mouthing “I love you” so Dean could see it.

He went home that night and sobbed into Castiel’s pillow, every breath spent from the moment his lover had disappeared from his sight until he fell into a fitful sleep praying desperately for Castiel’s safe return.

They set up a pattern just like they had for Cas’ first deployment. Dean was fortunate to get to speak to him every weekend through a phone call or online video chat via Skype. He knew others weren’t so lucky. Every time he saw or spoke with Castiel, never did he bring up how empty he felt, how horrible facing each day was when he wasn’t sure if Cas would even come home. He wasn’t stupid, he knew there was always the chance that something could go wrong and Dean, thousands of miles away, could do nothing to stop it.

Castiel, in turn, would never tell Dean just how bad things were in the Middle East. He knew Dean would already be watching the news channels back home like a hawk for updates on the war and for the regions Cas’ unit were located in, but when they talked it was like any other conversation they’d have at home over dinner or curled up together in bed. Never did they forget to say “I love you” before they had to disconnect again for another week.

It was when Castiel couldn’t contact him that left Dean anxious. The wait was agonizing each time, every day that passed when Cas should have contacted him for their weekly conversations but didn’t. And Dean knew each time that he didn’t because he couldn’t. That made the relief all the sweeter when Cas finally did get a chance to call or Skype with him.

Castiel sent him letters again as well. They were added to the same box as before, for Dean to cherish and read during those times when it was almost unbearable to be without Cas. He’d lay in their bed with the box open, letters spread out across the comforter, trailing his fingertips over the neat script that Cas had filled every page with, front and back. It wasn’t nearly enough, but it was something.

It was when Castiel didn’t contact him for three weeks straight five months into his deployment that Dean became scared. He waited anxiously, just as he always did, but didn’t even receive letters like he usually did. Sam did his best to reassure him, but his efforts fell flat when Dean refused to be reassured. Something had gone wrong. 

His fears were confirmed when a man in full military uniform showed up on his doorstep one morning, three and a half weeks since he’d last heard from Castiel.

Dean’s heart had stopped, hands clenching the door in a white-knuckled grip as tears came to his eyes. “Oh, God, please no,” he’d whispered brokenly, thinking he wouldn’t be able to stay on his feet given the fact that he couldn’t feel his legs anymore. Just the painful clenching in his chest that screamed in agony, begging for this not to be happening, not to them.

Yet the man on his doorstep had quickly reassured him upon seeing Dean’s reaction that Castiel was not coming home in a flag-covered coffin as he’d feared. 

The sheer relief made Dean sag against the door, but he managed to invite the man in, knowing all couldn’t be well if the military had sent someone to him at home like this. The only thing he could think was that Castiel was hurt or missing and the lingering fear reared its ugly head inside of him, but he went through the motions, offering the officer a seat, something to drink. Only the seat was accepted.

Dean sat down across from him in their living room, filled with pictures of him and Cas, their families, the vacations they’d taken, and once again prayed with all he had.

He registered the words “gravely wounded” and “accident” and his hands were suddenly clenching the couch cushion he was seated on, eyes tightly closed. Castiel was alive, that registered first and foremost in Dean’s brain. But he had to ask the officer to repeat most of what he’d said and this time, Dean forced himself to listen despite the pain it brought him.

He learned of an accident involving a landmine and one of the large trucks Cas’ unit used to transport soldiers and supplies. Ten soldiers had been killed, six more wounded, but Cas was one of the “lucky ones”. He was alive, but sustained a compound fracture to his left arm, several fractured ribs, but part of the truck had landed on his legs after being upended when the landmine went off. The bones were shattered beyond repair, the muscles far too damaged. Amputation had been the only way. 

The officer went on further to say that as soon as he could be moved out of the field hospital in Iraq that Castiel would be returned to the States, released into Dean’s care and that of specialists to help aid in his recovery. There was mention of further surgeries needed in the near future and that they weren’t sure when exactly Castiel could come home, but Dean would be notified as soon as possible.

The Army would also send Dean to meet Castiel when he returned to U.S. soil then help them both return home to Kansas. It was something. Cas was coming home. He was hurt, but he was alive. Things would be so different, Dean knew, but he didn’t let that stop him, didn’t let it drag him down. Whatever Cas needed, he would get. Dean would make sure of it.

It was after the officer left that Dean went to work. He spent hours online after notifying his family as well as Castiel’s what had happened and the preparations began. His father, Sam, and Castiel’s brothers Michael, Gabriel and Luke all came to help him. He’d never forget that.

The house was transformed in a matter of weeks, making everything more accessible for Castiel including a ramp for a wheelchair leading up to the door, handles at waist length on the walls to help for balance, additions that were much the same in the tub for showers and baths. Everything that Dean could possibly think of, they added to make the transition easier for Castiel when he finally came home. Because Dean had made a silent promise to himself, to Castiel, that his lover would walk again one day. It would be a long and difficult road, he knew, but Dean would be there to walk beside him just as he always had been.

During the time the Winchesters and Novaks were making the necessary additions to his house, Dean received word from the army that in two weeks’ time, a plane would be landing on the east coast of the U.S. carrying Castiel and that Dean should prepare to go meet him when it arrived.

Those two weeks were the longest of Dean’s life. He hadn’t been able to talk to Castiel at all through any of their usual means when all he wanted was to see that he truly was alive, to hear his voice again. The wait seemed endless, but Dean made it through and in two weeks found himself in Virginia, waiting in an airport anxiously with Sam at his side for Cas’ plane to land.

Another endless wait, but finally there it was, taxiing in. People disembarked, but none of them were who Dean was desperate to see. He shifted on his feet, restless, only settling somewhat when Sam’s hand came to his shoulder gently. It worked for a few seconds.

Then Castiel was there, being wheeled into the airport by a nurse in military camo, a blanket over his lap. His hair was longer, much longer than Cas normally let it grow and his skin was pale despite months spent in the desert. It was his eyes that hurt the most to look at no matter how much Dean wanted to. The broken look in them was devastating, but Dean didn’t let that stop him.

The tears were there, but he didn’t bother to stop them. And just like over a year ago in another airport across the country, Dean raced forward toward the one he loved most. He knew the second Castiel saw him, just as he had the last time, when those eyes filled with tears and his arms lifted, reaching for Dean. He didn’t have long to wait.

Their reunion this time was bittersweet and when Dean’s arms went around Castiel, he clung tighter than ever before, feeling his lover’s far too slender frame shaking in his embrace as Cas buried his face in Dean’s neck and sobbed his heart out. They had a long way to go, but all that mattered was that Castiel was home. Dean would help him through the rest.

Castiel’s condition required them to stay in Virginia for a while longer so he could undergo another surgery on his right leg. He’d lost the left just above his knee, the right at mid-calf, but this surgery was the last of several he’d already undergone. Sam couldn’t stay the entire time, but he’d stayed as long as he could to offer support. They were both grateful.

Dean was there every second, ready to do whatever Castiel needed, spending his nights on the uncomfortable pull out bed in Cas’ hospital room. He kept it beside Cas’ so they could hold hands while they slept, a fact that never went unnoticed by the doctors and nurses in the hospital and was never anything but endearing to those who witnessed it.

Finally, Cas was allowed to go home. He’d been so quiet since his return, hardly speaking except when spoken to, his responses quiet and brief, but when it was announced he was ready to go home, his demeanor brightened noticeably. He talked with Dean more, so ready to just be home where he was most comfortable and felt the safest. Dean was more than ready as well after several weeks away, living in a hospital.

The flight to Kansas was made shorter by the fact that they both slept through it. After that, the tears seemed endless. Cas was crying when he saw Sam and the Impala waiting there at the airport to take them home. He was crying when they arrived home to see all the Winchesters and Novaks there waiting for him. Even Bobby and the Harvelles, their extended family. Each and every one of them had to embrace Castiel, to tell him how much he’d been missed, how happy they were to have him home again. It was exhausting, but Dean could see the change in his lover, the way his spirit lifted by being in a familiar place with the people he loved so dearly.

No one stayed long, wanting to give Dean and Castiel time to settle in before they returned for a proper visit. It gave Dean time to show Castiel all the improvements he and their families had made on the house. He’d watched Castiel bite down hard on his bottom lip, blinking rapidly to hold back the tears that wanted to fall and in the end, all he could do was pull Dean down into his arms, holding him tightly and giving a shaky “Thank you.”

The months that followed were difficult for both of them. Castiel was determined to adjust to his new prosthetic legs, to re-learn how to walk and function again. But it was rigorous and painful. There were nights when Castiel’s body hurt so badly he’d fall into bed and remain in that spot until the next morning after falling into an exhausted sleep. 

Each step was hard, but celebrated. Dean was right there beside him for every single one of them. He went to every physical therapy session, every check up, every follow up. There was frustration, there were countless tears. There were days when Castiel seemed ready to just give up, where he didn’t even want to leave their bed, but Dean never let him give in.

There were also the nightmares. Castiel would thrash and scream in his sleep, pleading for help because he was trapped under the remnants of the truck after it had struck the landmine. Those were the nights Dean hated the most. He hadn’t been there to help when Castiel was wounded, but at least he was there to cradle him in his arms and whisper soothing words in his ear to try to get him to settle into a more restful sleep. To help chase the nightmares away.

Castiel’s determination strengthened when he was notified two months after his homecoming that he was being awarded with a Purple Heart by the President himself. Unknown to Dean, that was when a plan began to form in Cas’ mind that he had every intention of putting into action.

He threw himself into his therapy until he was finally able to use his prosthetics without the aid of a walker or cane. His first unaided steps were right to Dean who had tears in his eyes and a huge smile on his face that Castiel needed to kiss. They’d celebrated that night so much that the resulting hangover lasted almost the entire following day.

Dean suspected nothing, but his pride in Castiel was evident with every look, every smile he gave his lover. Then they were leaving Kansas, heading for Washington D.C. and the White House itself for the ceremony where Castiel would receive his award.

Castiel indulged Dean when his lover wanted to behave like a total tourist, snapping picture after picture and trying to see all that D.C. had to offer from monuments to museums to awesome restaurants he’d heard of. Castiel did rely on a cane to help him when he needed it while they toured the city, but he made a point of leaving it in their hotel room the night of the ceremony despite Dean’s protests that he should take it if he needed it.

Castiel wore his dress uniform while Dean was wearing his best suit and they arrived at the White House to be escorted inside. Cas’ nerves were a mess, but the arrangements had been made thanks to a few phone calls and letters. He knew all he had to do was get through the evening and everything would be wonderful.

Cas didn’t find the moment when the President called him forward to receive the Purple Heart the proudest of his life, nor when he stood in front of him and saluted in perfect military fashion. The proudest moments were a series of them when the President stood aside and beckoned Dean forward, much to Dean’s utter shock.

Dean had stepped up, eyes wide despite the warm smile on the President’s face as he shook Dean’s hand and offered him the medal, gesturing to Castiel with a “I believe you should do the honors.”

Dean knew by the smile on Castiel’s face that this had all been planned before they’d even set foot in the city. But they both had tears in their eyes as Dean pinned the medal to Castiel’s uniform and Cas kept that salute up the entire time, knowing no one else was more worthy of it.

The next part was the hardest for Cas, but one he wouldn’t miss for anything. With a glance toward the President, Cas shifted rather painstakingly to kneel on his good knee. He shook his head when Dean immediately reached out to steady him, thinking he’d lost his balance. It was the smile on Cas’ face that made him realize what was happening and he had to close his eyes tightly for a few moments, biting down hard on his bottom lip when it quivered.

When he opened them, Castiel was holding up a simple platinum band, tears slowly trailing down his blue eyes as cameras flashed around them. But Dean couldn’t see anyone else in the room. Not even the leader of their country. All he saw was Castiel. All he heard were the words that his lover spoke and he knew he would remember them for the rest of his life.

“Dean. I love you with all my heart. You picked me up when I could no longer stand on my own. Then walked beside me when I could. You have kept me whole when I thought I could never be fixed. When I thought I would always be broken. My only priority in Iraq was to come home to you and it remains my priority each and every day. That no matter where I go or what I do, I will always come home to you. I can’t even begin to express how much I love you and how much you mean to me, but this will have to do. Dean. Will you marry me?”

Dean wasn’t sure how he’d gone from standing in front of Cas to kneeling in front of him, but at some point after Castiel finished speaking, he’d hit his knees. He didn’t bother stopping the tears that fell, didn’t bother holding back when he reached for the one he loved and held him closely and tightly. All he knew was that at some point he’d said “Yes” and the large room filled with guests and press had erupted into applause, including the President who stood nearby.

That was their first trip to Washington D. C., but it would not be the last. Six months later, Dean and Castiel, along with their closest family and friends had found themselves in the White House Rose Garden thanks to a special allowance from the President. Both had worn white tuxedos and, in front of their families and friends along with the President, Vice President and their families, exchanged rings and vows while the sun shone down on a beautiful spring day.

Two years later and now, Dean couldn’t imagine a better life. He sat on their porch, watching Castiel in the yard playing in the fallen leaves with a dark-haired one year old boy. Johnathan had come to them when he was three weeks old and made their lives complete. The baby’s laughter warmed their hearts and made their days brighter.

He grinned when he heard that full-bellied laugh from their son as Castiel hoisted him up then plopped him down in a pile full of red, orange and gold leaves in the middle of the yard. Rising from his seat on the porch, Dean went down the steps toward his family to join in the fun, his heart warming when those blue eyes he loved so much met his from across the yard, filled with such love and adoration.

Yes, these were truly the moments worth living for.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I really hope you enjoyed my story! If you did, please consider buying me a ko-fi? My family and I could really use the help.
> 
> ko-fi.com/AislinMarue


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